This is going to be insanely long but I really hope you read all of it:
There are only a few interests that I have that I consider I have been exceptionally talented at: Acting, creative writing, music business/management and playing poker.
For the past year, I have revolved my life around poker. I have studied almost every theory, strategy, and idea about the game as I possibly could. I have sat down for hours upon hours and tried to make a fool-proof bankroll management plan for myself. I have built my bankroll but also have had my downswings. The problem is that I wasn’t playing enough and my winrates weren’t strong enough. The more I have thought about playing professionally, the more it became a pipe dream.
About three and a half years ago, I was hired by a band called The Summer Set as a merchandiser. After one tour, I was promoted to tour manager. We were a group of 18 year old kids who really had no idea what we were doing but we were having a hell of a time and trying our best to be professional. I was on top of the world. I was loving it primarily because my friends in high school who had just worked so hard to get good grades were posting Facebook statuses like, “I hate my calculus professor.” and I was waking up in a new city every morning and meeting new people every day.
After working with The Summer Set and a couple other artists for a little over a year, I took about 6 months off to focus on other things. After a while, I became so bored with such a mundane and routine lifestyle, I decided to go back on the road with The Summer Set. There was a minor problem: In that 6 months, my anxiety disorder I had from when I was younger suddenly came back and I had been drinking very heavily. Both of these factors forced the band to have to find a new tour manager after about a month into the tour. I will never forgive myself, not for losing a job, but for letting down my best friends who gave me such an amazing opportunity in my life.
Not only did I lose a job, I ended up burning bridges and losing references with certain people in the music industry. I had went home and started working random jobs at restaurants in Arizona but I was so bored with life. As time rolled on, I became more accustomed to that lifestyle and because I was content with it, I ended up meeting the love of my life. Now, almost two years after I have left touring, I am left with nothing at all. I am now seeing all my friends who I used to laugh about being in school, now graduated. One of my friends even published his memoir about his college experience.
Feeling distraught over this situation of feeling like nothing, my best friend and I went out for a few beers. We were discussing how we hadn’t graduated, let alone finished much schooling at all. And I figured out that it is because we both aren’t ready to be adults yet. While the majority of our friends are starting a career that they will have for the next 35 years, we don’t even know what we want to do yet. After hearing this, I became a lot more content with my impending choices.
Ok, let’s move back and talk about my anxiety a little more. I have always had a bit of anxiety, no matter the point in my life. Sometimes, it’s very minor. Sometimes, it’s very severe. Right now, it’s the latter. My anxiety has become so intense over the past four months, I can barely leave my house and apartment. I also can’t: Drive a car, drive on the freeway with another person driving, be in large open places such Target or a grocery store, walk long distances if it’s in an open area, be around more than 20 people at once, amongst other things. It’s literally ripped apart my life. I have been medicated Celexa for this but every time I have had severe anxiety problems in my life, I have been able to fix it myself. But as this goes further, I feel that I need to take medication and I am going to start on Tuesday.
In the time that I have been confined to my house and apartment, I have been watching a LOT of Netflix. I have Instant Stream on at almost all times. I have been watching a lot of dramas, action/adventures, LOST, and That 70’s Show. A few performances have stuck out in my mind: Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Robin Williams in What Dreams May Come, Almost every performance in LOST. Especially, Matthew Fox as Jack Sheppard and Terry O’Quinn as John Locke. Also Topher Grace as Eric Forman and Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso in That 70’s Show are very note-worthy. After watching these performances, I had so many mixed feelings: How much I missed acting, where I might be right now if I pursued acting after high school, and most importantly, how I can get back into acting.
As of January 2012, I will be going back to school and pursuing a degree in Entertainment Business from Full Sail University. In that same time, I will be taking acting classes at a university that I haven’t chosen yet. After all of this, the plan is to move to New York to either A) Attempt to get into Julliard. B) Look for my future career.
Thank you so much if you took the time to read this.
